Sunday, March 20, 2005

Just Some Body

Dear Jesus,

I'm having a little trouble getting through to God and vice versa, so I thought I'd try you, being's how you've had first-hand experience in the mortification of the flesh department.

Like you, I used to be somebody before I became a symbol. Now I'm just some body — used by whomever for whatever (including this guy who's usurped my voice). Others have taken the parts of my story they like. They hold me up like a hitchhiker sign, trying to collect people going their way. The daughter. The wife. The survivor. The vegetable. The beauty. The bulimic.

I liked being a person better than being a symbol. Is that how you feel, too? How do you deal with people who don'tknowyouneverdidneverwillknowyou saying who you are and what you represent? Using you for their own ends. I know a lot of women will know what I mean, but I was hoping you would, too.

Don't think I'm ungrateful. I understand that principles are important, and some people really and truly believe they are fighting for principles. But if I have learned anything being in this screwed up state, it is this:

Labels don't matter. Actions do. I no longer judge people by appearances or their words. Conservative/liberal, Republican/Democrat, Brain/Retard. Meaningless. What matters is this. Will they sacrifice a principle to save a person, or will they sacrifice a person for a principle?

Too many people are offended in principle these days. They yell at strangers walking across their metaphoric yards. They feel phantom pain in limbs they never had. They wring out tears outside my hospice, outside Michael's house, in the halls of Congress. Even Mel Gibson — now, he knows mortification of the flesh big-time — feels my pain! They claim to want to save me, but all they care about is their principle.

In those videos, if it looks like I'm laughing, it could be I'm thinking about this. They just care about their principle. Except mom and dad and Michael. Family has to care about family over principle. They have to love you no matter what, right?

What am I talking about? Your father sent you to die for sins you didn't commit.

Any insights would be appreciated.

love,

Terri

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