Sunday, March 20, 2005

Catching Up on His Correspondence

Dear Terri,

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, but we have been busy here adding a new Congressional wing to the 8th circle of hell. Our original expansion plan had room for normal growth into infinity, but the sudden (in millennial terms) exponential growth of hypocrisy and cant meant we could face serious overcrowding within the next 30 years — or well before Social Security goes broke.

I know it seems odd we should care about overcrowding in hell, but this is a region that needs lots of room. The whole point is isolation. No adoring crowds, no advisors, no peers, no pollsters, no cameras. Just hypocritical leaders seething under their beautiful lead-lined robes.

Work still isn't proceeding perfectly. Although we continue to receive a steady supply of labor from the jihadist martyrs, we're still a bit short in the management ranks. Satan has been lobbying for a couple of the Wal-Mart labor relations boys, but he only gets to sign the pacts, he doesn't decide when to call them away.

When I created the universe, I knew that I was taking a chance by allowing evolution to select for aggressive, single-minded, duplicity over collaborative, nuanced, honesty. But at the time, I was envisioning small, tribal societies, where leaders would have to deal with issues they actually knew something about personally, and with people they had to face every day.

Who knew?

You might expect God to have foreseen the problems with this, but honestly, I didn't want to look ahead. You think 15 years in an ICU is boring? Try an infinity in heaven!

This all has a way of sorting itself out over the centuries, but I realize that's small comfort to the people who have to live with it in the here and now — even from a persistent vegetative state.

But you have to admit, it's pretty entertaining if you can watch from the clouds. The leaders saying: "We should investigate every avenue before we take the life of a living human being" are the same ones who would not spare a minute to consider a single living soul waiting to be executed. And where, I might add, the evidence is far more ambiguous. They get apoplectic over the sanctity of marriage, and then ignore what Michael is trying to do on your behalf. They decry the decisions made by "one judge in one state court" — a court which has studied your plight for seven years — and then bring their short-attention-span-roadshow to overturn what is going on in Florida.

You see now why I allowed you to go under. You would not find this amusing at all.

And you are right — it's no fun to be a test case, to be made into a symbol against your will. Jesus and I signed up for it, so we have to take the good along with the televangelists and the cultists and Congressmen. But you did not ask for this, and neither — despite their lawyers and Web sites and media appearances — did your family.

So here is my loving counsel to you.

Forget the hypocrites. They will receive their just reward.

Release Michael. He needs to get on with his life. Sometimes, someone is no longer the person you married, and you are no longer the person they married. Some marriages can survive this, some deny it and compound the injury. Others must end, and it's better for all concerned.

Finally, parents do not get to make such choices. No matter how you change, you will always be the girl your mother bore. Neither of you has choice in this, and only she can choose how she will continue to love you. She may feel remorse, complicit somehow in your living death. She may be unable to let go. She may believe in the possiblity of a miracle because your eyes open, your head wags, and your eyebrows contort.

Of course, there will be no miracle, Terri. Michael knows it. Your doctors know it. The courts know it. Even those posturing politicians — Dr. Frist most of all — know it.

You were so right. You are no one's ragdoll. Not even Mine.


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