Please, Save Me

I played cowboys and football, shot a gun and wrestled, watched the 3 Stooges and Vincent Price movies, but have managed to live a nonviolent life.

I came of age during the summer of love, yet never have had an STD.

I played rock & roll and hung with all kinds of hippies and disreputable characters, yet never snorted coke, dropped acid or stuck a needle in my vein.

I performed in theater, studied modern dance, sang falsetto and have numerous gay and lesbian friends, yet have never had a homosexual encounter.

I worked in the military industrial complex for a decade, yet never accepted war as the solution to problems.

I owned a capitalist enterprise in the era between "Greed is Good" and the Enron meltdown, yet didn't chase dotcom money, cheat the government or exploit my employees.

But now I am petrified that my 31-year marriage is doomed. I am being crushed by societal pressures that nothing, not even deep religious faith, can withstand. I cannot hope to live up to moral standards without Constitutional protection.

Please, please, save me and others like me. The police won't do it. The courts won't do it. The churches are powerless, and God is... well, God is doing whatever it is he does. Only the Constitution can save me from polygamy.

An amendment is my last and only hope!